Lines in Black and whitE II

Vanity, Definitely my favorite sin...

2008-03-04T22:40:00.000-08:00

First, fuck you. Fuck you in the fuckiest way possible. And I mean that from the heart....don't forget it.

Second, Thea is cool. I like her lots. You should too, but she's mine. Learn to deal.

Third, I love this place. Bloomington is everything I thought that it would be. At first, I thought it would be sketch, but I have learned to live and keep on learning. I completely miss being immersed in a sea of education, but I find ways to keep my mind open and ticking. I'm in the middle of a couple biographies, and I'll be sure to post reviews when I'm done.

Listen to me when I say this: I honestly believe that something big is going to happen to me soon. By the end of the year...I can feel it. It may have something to do with camp, it may have something to do with my private (now very private) life, I simply don't know. I'll do my best to keep this up to date. Set me to favorites. I'm my own favorite...I should be your's too.

And the months will fade...

2007-12-09T22:46:00.000-08:00

How do I explain it?? Life, love, loss....and gains. I could go into the details, but you, the reader, if you do not already know, then follow the lines...

Life is a vacation. You work, you live, and then you die. There is always a speck of us, a tiny quark, that outlives our memory. Some things in life will fade away...The promises made, the embraces shared, connections and networks...they will all fade away. The only thing that you can rely on is your family...and your other family: the group of friends that will do anything for you, and that you will repay in kind.

I loved in the not-so-distant past. As brightly as it burned, the flames grew out of my control, and I was burned. I have spent the past few months in the burn unit. I was given skin grafts from those closest to me, and I have survived because of their selflessness. I fell and broke my body, and have been made whole again. It is the kind of generosity that one hopes for from friends....from brothers.

The cold dark is beckoning me. I have only the prospect of a warm flame to guide me through. I know it is there somewhere in the forest of my mind. She is keeping it warm, tending it with fuel diligently, and ever awaiting my arrival. My pace quickens as the days grow longer.

Is this world ready for peace?? Is my heart ready for change?? Am I ready to do my part?? Am I strong enough to tend the flame awaiting me??

Muse: "Different Names for the Same" Death Cab for Cutie

Hey, Evansville....

2007-05-02T23:33:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving. In 9 days. Like.....for good. I'm graduating in 3 days, and then after that, it's packing packing packing, WoW, packing, saying good-bye to a couple people, and then it's off to the real world with me. To possibly make coffee for the rest of my life....such is the way of the perpetual history student. Hit up the digits if you want to see me before I leave. Or don't. I'll miss some of you....promise.

The Hardest Button to Button...

2007-03-17T09:39:00.000-07:00

Well, it happened. I don't need to talk about the event itself, or even what brought it about, but if you know anything about me, then you can piece it together...

I really don't know how I feel right now. It's like two years ago, I was completely crushed, because I thought that it was something that I did, or that it was preventable, and it took me a while to get over that. I don't feel at fault now. I don't feel as if this is even something that needs reparation. I simply feel....I don't know...liberated?? That may sound to rash of a word, but if I had to put a label on it, that's what I'd go with.

Two days ago, I didn't care. Now that the emotion and the fighting and everything is starting to diminish, I find myself at a crossroads again...Wallow in pity for myself, or pick up my stuff, graduate, leave and never look back. I think that a quiet exit is in order here.

I already have little in the way of nice things to say about myself. If anything was the cost of the past year and a half, it was my self-esteem. I need to build that back up, for my own sake.

The outlook is dark right now. But they say that it is always darkest before the dawn. I think it's time for my to break down camp and hike out...

2007-02-26T20:07:00.000-08:00

So, the pig's gone. Yeah, I know, that one was short-lived. Hit me up on AIM if you really care.

Next in news, I have been chosen to be the High Adventure Director at camp this summer. Yeah, that's right, after seven years since my first position there as a CIT being paid nothing more than $50 a week, I will be a director. With my own staff. And my own area. I'm thoroughly and completely stoked.

Lastly, I have decided that I am going to do all of my last projects for school after next week. So that gives me two weeks to slack on school, and then its go-time for the last time. Be excited for me graduating. I demand it.

/Over and out

2007-02-16T09:30:00.000-08:00

I'm going to get the pig today. Alone. Tab was supposed to go with me, and we were going to have an awesome whirlwind tour of the Midwest. But she has to go to work tomorrow.

If there's anyone that reads this today, know that I'll be flying solo for about 8 hours today. No need to hesitate in giving me a call.

2007-01-29T22:17:00.000-08:00

Here's to first credit cards, paying for last semesters, and getting a pig (in two weeks)!! Cheers

Helplessly hoping...

2007-01-13T00:07:00.000-08:00

...and waiting like a kid at Christmas time for a certain piece of mail that can't come soon enough. God, I thought that I had lost my love for snailmail...I'll let my few readers know exactly what it says as soon as it comes.

Written sometime around mid-November...

2006-12-17T21:18:00.001-08:00

Since the last I wrote, I have had a number of self-realizations. Of course, these are the sorts of things that yound adults have all the time. My story is not one out of the ordinary.

My focus has turned to the topic of justice. Self-justice, social justice, political justice, spiritual justice. The differences between "the freedom to" versus "the freedom from", and everything in between. I don't have all the answers, but God, do I want them.

I've put on some weight. However, I have been working on improving my physical appearance otherwise. I bought a watch, I bought my own winterwear, and can afford my own car repairs. I am trying to justify my own existence, I suppose. I am an adult now, and much to my parents' early behest, I have finally, finally been acting as such. My life, my career will begin as soon as I graduate. To the people closest to me, my family, I will begin working on the greatest gift I can give: an intense research on our past. I intend to draw up the Curtis' geneology, offered in dedication to my father, his father, and our forefathers hence, as a justification for where we are, where we came from and where we may be.

"History is in the hands of the conquered." This is a familiar saying in our field. Where is the justice in losing the stories of those used, down-trodden, and ultimately defeated? I needn't remind you where our culture stems from. The principles of truth and justice to live in a free society (free FROM tyranny, free TO be private), the principles of the Enlightenment, were lost. Our minds were preverted either by the reality of September 11th, or by the reaction of our government. America once stood for two oppositional truths; the former being the truth of liberty and privacy (with minimal government intervention). The latter being that of capitalism, consumerism, and the almighty dollar. As we grew in number, in geographic space, and in international power, the latter began to consume the former, thus creating an "us" and "them". I speak now for "us", those subject to the overreaching power of "them". Will we fight in the Middle East to defend "us" (the people who love liberty and the power to go where we want, own what we want, and not have to answer to anyone but ourselves)? Will we fight in the Middle East to defend "them" (those who wish to control "us" by means of widening the gap between the poor and the rich, those who ultimately sealed our fates in passing legislation to take away our privacy)? I feel the effects of their control in my life: In a matter of speaking, they chose my profession for me. They sent my best friend, my brother, to fight for THEIR freedom, not my own, in Iraq. They created a system of numbing my generation and creating a class of disinterested fools, and set them loose into the wilds of our modern society. Where is the justice in that? When did we go wrong? I'll be to my generation a story teller, a lore keeper, and maintain the light of our noble past with what little oil is left for it. Consumerism leads to greed, greed leads to jealousy, jealousy leads to classes...I don't need to tell you where that leads...

I don't have an agenda, per se, except to tell exactly what happened. I love where we came from, I hate where I see us going. My thoughts are a mixture of Herodotus meets Marx meets the prophets of the Hebrew Bible.

....and I can't wait to move out.

2006-11-28T04:24:00.000-08:00

I miss Bloomington. I miss Ransburg. I miss Scouting. And most of all, I miss that natural state we were all in before we became aware of things. (ie, before SCHOOL). I graduate in May, and it will be everything that I thought it could be.

I'm moving to Bloomington. I'm moving to Ransburg....and I'm so ready.

2006-09-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

Vanity is my least favorite of the sins. Despite the kind of face that I give to basically everyone I know, I know that I'm not full of myself. I second guess a lot, and am really a sensitve guy if you get to know me that well....leading me to my next point. I don't want this to turn into one of those huge "it's all about me and my life" kind of blog. (even though I'm the only one posting) There is more stuff swirling about in my head that concerns us as people, as humans, and as brothers and sisters stuck here on this planet and in this country. I am going to take the focus of off what is happening in my life day-to-day (though I have already proven horrible at doing even that), and allow this to be sort of a mind-dump for all of the philosophical crap that I can't put into words very well....

Expect a post soon of substance soon. I have a woman waiting for me.

2006-08-14T00:28:00.000-07:00

As of one hour and twenty minutes from now, my World of Warcraft account will be on hiatus, at least until the expansion comes out in October. I told you all that I'd make good on my promise.

2006-08-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

Now liquids aren't allowed on airplanes. The White House issued a statement saying that they foiled another 9/11 conspiracy....

I refuse to give into their rhetoric. I absolutely refuse to be subject to fear.

2006-08-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

I went home this past weekend. On Friday, Tabitha and I made the trek up to Bloomington so that she could start her hectic weekend of car-purchasing, as I dorve on home to relax and be away from here for a while. I was to attend Warped Tour, but my fucking class schedule wouldn't allow for it. The evening was mostly spent at my parents' house.

I woke up early the next day excited by the prospects of what would await me in Bloomington. I had an appointment with the Jew to go down to Ransburg for my first time in the 2006 season. Upon arriving there, we had noticed that everyone was gone, save for a few folks working on a Minisino project down in Scoutcraft. W noticed the bulkiness of my arms since the last he saw me (...ew.), and had the pleasure of seeing him attempt to wield a sledge. It was rather entertaining for the both of us. Jewish stole some cookies from Keith, we sat around on the breakwater, and after being completely soaked in sweat under the scorching July sun, decided it was best to get the fuck out.

The rest of the afternoon seemed to be a mad dash in between town and his house. Eventually we were rounded up into helping Erin move her crap out of her old place and into her shiny, new apartment with her roommate, Mr. Tom Mason. We spent the remainder of the evening there, and I was even able to pick up Tab to hang out with us. Being there with those people, and surprisingly not being at camp, made me realize how much I really really miss being at Ransburg. I spoke with my parents on the subject later, and they told me that they really didn't care if I went back, as long as I would be making some money. So here goes: I'm back for the 2007 season. I'm apprehensive, I'm nervous, but I'm completely excited. Spending as much time as I do indoors down here made me realize that there are fewer rewards better in this world than working outside in the sun, and knowing that for three months, your only job is to make young scouts happy. I look forward to seeing that again.

Now to get through this year at school. Fuck....

I came home to the same old grind. Work, class, work....Oh, and Markz0r came for a visit. It was unexpected, but welcomed considering our understanding of his situation at the parents'. And Tab got a new car. And she got her computer back. And I got a sinus infection. Such is life.

2006-07-27T14:48:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night....and it was the weirdest thing because I haven't thought about this thing in ages. The very core of me is nostalgic, I suppose, and in my dream, I found myself logging onto this new blog for the first time, and finding that everything that I had written over the course of the past three years was still there. Exactly as it had been written, as it had never been erased. And without effort, I simply picked up the pieces from there and wrote something like this, explaining my thoughts at that time. It was weird...

I guess the point in saying that was to say that I am back. Here. I don't know if this will last, but I can hope that nothing like what happened then will happen again. Go ahead and comment so that I can get a clue as to how many of you caught on to my leaving MySpace.